top of page
Search
  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

A Thousand More Chocolate Cakes

Updated: Sep 18, 2023

Chalé…


I downplayed it, but can now comprehend and admit that loss is hard! For most, the loss of a parent is usually at the bottom of a scale of preference, for they lived many moons without us, yet we have lived not a second without them.

We assume they have and will always be there, until one day you receive a text message that changes that entire narrative and life is no longer the same. On Sunday the 30th of July at approximately 16:54pm;








“Daddy has died”.









Now I dreamt this loss; many times, yet when that dream made manifest my “No Emo” and “I don’t care attitude” couldn’t save me, “It overed me,” which is a very Ghanaian way of saying “It hit me harder than I thought it actually would”. I still remember where i was, who I was with and exactly what I was doing, you remember it and will most likely never forget it.


Life constantly keeps throwing us curve balls and over time we develop various coping mechanisms to deal with them and my coping mechanism for grief has always been pretence.


Pretend like it never happened, pretend like the said individual had travelled and just hadn’t returned. I never attended funerals, for I rather wanted to preserve our last memory cloud, and not to be left with a memory cloud of you lying down and not responding to the cries and wails of your Forever And More I Love You’s. I was so determined to kick the can down the road, but unfortunately this is where it ends.


I can’t pretend…

I can’t pretend you have travelled and won’t be back.

I can’t pretend you haven’t breathed your last breath.

I can’t pretend it hurts I didn’t get to tell you goodbye.

I can’t pretend…


Thank you…

For being a living example of what “constant” looks like; Daddy is always there!!! He might complain but he will do it. Thank you for always being there; for waiting, for watching and for protecting. Thank you for always showing up and showing out.

Thank you…


For being open to sorting out our differences and giving me some closure.


Thank you…

For introducing me to most of the things I love; food, fashion, music and investing in the life of others.


Thank you…

For considering me as one of the few people you wanted to reach out to before the end. For that last phone call, for the apology and for reassuring me that it is ok to be my true authentic self and not have to apologise for it.


Thank you…

For showing me that people are just incapable of not caring, that people are beyond amazing, and will easily come together to form a human cushion just to catch you when you fall. Your loss was so loud it sent waves through the entire village and they came. They have cried with us, they have laughed with us, they have fed us, they have sat with us, they have sang with us and they have danced with us. They have faith-ed with us, they have hoped with us, but most importantly they have loved us.


I wish …

I had touched you a bit more, but I do know how your hands feel … felt, from offering me your hand on countless occasions, the softest hands a man could have, which never made sense to me because of the hard work you had to put your hands to growing up.


I wish …

I had enjoyed the gift of your presence a bit more, a gift usually taken for granted, but thankfully I still have a memory cloud of you driving me across the whole of Accra in your benz trying to find me basket ball shorts because I was so hot and bothered, and you using the opportunity to show me off to your family and friends.


I wish…

I had said thank you some more, for the spontaneous cooking equipment you constantly kept getting for me, for being my designated delivery driver and being the voice of calm and reasoning whenever I start overthinking and go into a state of panic.


I wish…

I had hugged you some more

I wish…

I had held your face some more, for the day you breathed your last I couldn’t remember your face.


Then I remembered…

I remembered when you insisted I record an episode of my vlog with you. It’s funny how at the time I thought you were doing me a favour, but in hindsight you were actually giving me a gift. For with the click of a button there you will be, clear as day.




I wish…

I had worried about you a bit more whenever you said “Don’t worry about me.”


I wish…

I could bake you a thousand more chocolate cakes daddy, I really wish I could.




This brief moment of time has confirmed that as this world orbits, every inch of time is different. You go to bed a son and wake up a brother, a husband, an uncle, a father. You go to bed a daughter and wake up a sister, a wife, an auntie, a mother. Or sometimes you go to bed with your parents and wake up with just a mother, a father or none of them.


So you know those little moments, those brief encounters, those little sparks, catch them. I will clasp my two palms around them, to protect them for they are mine, I will keep them.


You know the little things I think don’t matter? I will turn them into big things!!! For each is a piece of the missing parts of my rainbow, my rainbow I am building in my sky. The rainbow i need to keep reminding myself to lift my head and look at, for it exists and is mine!!!


Mine to see!


The Sun...Sunshine and Sunflowers...


396 views5 comments

Recent Posts

See All

5 commentaires


Rodney Hyde Longdon
Rodney Hyde Longdon
18 sept. 2023

You have succeeded in making me shed a tear. May he rest peaceful with His God. I love you bro

J'aime
Chef Nii
Chef Nii
20 sept. 2023
En réponse à

Love you too

J'aime

emmakasiedu
18 sept. 2023

This is so precious ❤️❤️May God rest his soul and May your heart be comforted .

J'aime
Beatrice Offei
Beatrice Offei
25 sept. 2023
En réponse à

This is very touching piece. Daddy was always proud of you and we all know he is in a much better place.

J'aime
bottom of page