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  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

Forever And More I Love You

Chalè! Silence is golden is what my ears have picked up, but from what i have lived; silence is shocked, silence is confused, silence is spent, silence is overwhelmed, silence is control, silence is loss…

A loss for words, a loss of emotions, a loss of life.

“The uncertainties of life,” a mantra that is thrown out frequently, yet so casually tends to mean nothing, until one day this very same “Uncertainties of Life” bursts through your front door, rushes in and sucks you into the eye of its tornado, giving you front row seats to its destructive power as it blows your life to smithereens and leaves you standing in the rubble, figuring out how to pick up the pieces. My life was blown to smithereens and i am still trying to figure out how to rebuild it.

I can admit that there is always an initial warning, but you see it doesn’t really register, “I mean, what do you mean by there is going to be a tornado when it’s bright and sunny outside?” Warnings of the impending destruction loomed and was even sounded to my hearing, but you see that middle ground between hearing and listening becomes so comfortable, you choose to believe everything is ok and call everybody else out for making a mountain out of a molehill.

Until it became a reality and the uncertain destructive power, pending destruction that had loomed for a long time, eventually pushed me to the edge of my life’s cliff. I tried to lean back and tried to harness all my will power, struggling against its force, but  that fight may have come a tad too late, the force i was up against was powerful beyond measure and eventually i was pushed over the cliff and i began to fall. I  tried to reach for what i believed to be real tangibles, strong foundations, weapons that i had firmly tucked into my belt. Which turned out to be facades, intangibles, whims of nothings…i was wearing an empty belt.

My “Forever And More  I Love You,” watched as i was dragged to the edge of my lifes cliff. They rushed, gathered at the bottom and spread their hands wide open, waiting to catch me. Living breathing people, who have decided to stand for me regardless, the reason for my very existence today. “For our very existence is to love and be loved”, love that transcends “blood is thicker than water”, a reality i live, embedded deep within my spirit, and experiencing this love is the greatest gift life has ever offered me.

Seeing as once again my Forevers have to gather because of me, at the scene of another impending disaster, my another impending  disaster, i try really hard to keep it together, yet failing miserably. My focus changing, from catching  these whimsical nothings, to my fingers trekking towards my eyelids , catching drops of emotions and feelings rolled up in water casings that have been drawn out of the well of my heart and forced past the barriers of my eyelids.

They are gathered as always, with their arms fully extended waiting to catch me…again. I know they will catch me, they always have but this time, things are different. For the first time i am afraid, really afraid of the impact this fall will make, the magnitude and length of its ripple effect, the lives it will impact. The weight of it all became unbearable and even before i hit the ground  i flat lined…

As i floated to the ground I began having this out of body experience where, my body was received into the arms of my Forevers, yet i found myself standing next to my body watching, as my family was trying to resuscitate me. Harnessing all their will power to try and bring me back to life and…i just stood there…watching…confused…not sure if i wanted to come back. I stood there wondering why they will want me back when all i have done is take from them, how many times will they have to pour their blood for me?

I dropped everything!!! I left everyone!!! I embarked on a journey up this cliff! A journey that through no fault of theirs, would require the lowering of their shoulders, shoulders i would need to stand on to be able to reach the edge of that same cliff. Hanging on for dear life, they would once again be required to harness and sacrifice their all to provide the necessary momentum i needed to lift myself on top of that cliff, with the hopes that “FINALLY!!!” this wanderer would have found his place and  would be able to unearth that wealth that they know has been placed deep within his spirit for the appointed time.

With the hopes that one day he will return a conqueror! He will descend that same hill with ease, for this time he will be well equipped, followed by his army, made up of lives impacted and seeds from his loins, his arms full of the wealth he has unearthed, into the laps of his Forevers, who have patiently been waiting.

Only to be thrown off this Cliff, wounded, alone, with nothing in my hands…NOTHING!!! So for the interest of all i think you all should just let me lie here and bleed out.

There is so much we want for ourselves, a lot we desire, and most of the time it doesn’t even come from a selfish place, we want enough to live well and enjoy the best things in life, we just want enough to bless the people around us, “Is that too much to ask?”

I stand and watch how much love and sacrifice and time is being poured into me. I watch as they empty themselves into me. I lower my gaze, and that’s when I realise that i am not lying on the floor, but lying on a bed of tears, a bed of prayers, a bed of well wishes , a bed of sacrifice, all shed for my sake and in that moment i could no longer help it, my body immediately began to receive and respond, it’s overwhelming and as i lie here i still feel the ripples running through my entire body.

The Son, Sunshine and Sunflowers,

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1 commentaire

21 sept. 2022

This was such a timely read for me. Thank you for your vulnerability!❤

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