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  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

Palm Nut

Chalé I have a question! A query! An enquiry! Call it anything you want, all I am saying is, we need to talk! Let’s discuss this thing, for I have been running this sequence…scenario…situation…Situation!!! Let’s call it a situation. So, I have been running this entire situation in my mind for a while now and I have come up with…basically I haven’t been able to come up with anything. No answers, no solutions and since I am…learning how to reach out and ask for help, well…here I am, hands stretched out, reaching out!!! Help!

So famalam, I do not know how, neither do I know when or why, OMG! I sound so much like a Gospel song! Praise Jesus!!! Ok…So I tend to find myself in this extremely tiring position a lot and right now I am energy less, all the energy I harboured previously has left me! Finito! Finis!! Finished!!! The vim and vigour are all gone! So, we need to talk! Before I just deflate into oblivion. Because right now we are walking on thin ice, very thin ice!!! There is a disaster pending and I promise you we wouldn’t want that because…

I will precede this discussion with a salient question that has been on my chest for time!!!: WHO AT ALL TOLD YOU GUYS I AM STRONG?! WHO??!!! How did you even end up with that?! Confidently slapping that adjective on my forehead! And you guys even had the guts to go farther and tattoo it on my destiny! How did we even end up with that?! STRONG!!! MY…GOD!!!

I know for a fact that I have never stood anywhere in this whole wide world, opened my mouth, and boldly said with my chest that “I am strong”. I mean since the day my six-year-old nephew pushed me, and I stumbled and almost disgraced myself I have always doubted my strength. Have you seen my calves?! I mean how can that be a foundation for anything strong?

To be fair I have always gotten on with it because my natural dispensation is not to dwell; dwelling wastes time, and I have got very limited time, a very short attention span to be precise, so if you are not S-N-A-P-P-Y…SNAPPY SNACK ei Ei o! you will just lose me completely! Moreover, how can I exert my energy on a venture that has no positive outcome…no solutions, and then me too I am there dwelling…when I can fry plantain and eat…you people are not serious! so we move…STRONG!!! MY…GOD!!!

Being a P.K, just like a tortoise, I was forced to build this…shell to protect myself. I had to, to protect myself from the many things that were said into the atmosphere, the many things that were said about me, but never actually said to me. Things said that would some way somehow find their way to my attention; thanks to these amazing “invisible ears” all walls have. I learnt how to walk through everything that was said, arrows shot that could only but bounce off my invisible shell, for what lay beneath was far more than fragile. Showing no emotion. They cannot know that it actually got to me, I mean they couldn’t even know that I knew, because if they knew who told me… Eventually, you learn how to put your emotions aside, and deal with others based on how God expects you to, not based on what they deserve. STRONG!!! MY…GOD!!!

But, you know, sadly I must say that it isn’t like approaching me would have been any easier, for with my back secured I had painstakingly built a fort in-front of me. I have built this extremely high wall in front of me, and to reach me you must put in a lot of effort to climb, unlike Rapunzel, I am definitely not letting down my hair! At least not anymore. I let my hair down in the past and people pulled with no regard for my edges - I am really suffering to grow them back - and the sad thing too is that they didn’t even get to the top. Did they even try to climb? Feels as if they just stayed in the same spot tugging and pulling, hoping I would magically just appear somehow over the wall!! Jokers! I mean is that even a possibility? They must be sipping on something!!! STRONG!!! MY…GOD!!!

On second thought you might not even need to climb that wall, you only need to be brave enough to get close to my wall and instantly my radars will go haywire. Forthwith I have this innate responsibility to ensure that you are ok. Irrespective of who you are, what you have done or where you are from. Look! I could even have a sense that you have an ulterior motive, and it wouldn’t matter, my entire being needs to ensure that you are ok, for I need to show you another way; teach you what it means to be a better human being. Irrespective of what is happening in my life at that point in time, what I am doing, where I am from, where I am going, all of that immediately doesn’t matter anymore. YOU…YOU become my priority. STRONG!!! MY…GOD!!!

I guess I have always been the ultimate sponge, just soaking up everybody else’s problems, wiping them clean so they can start over. A Ghana must go, “You know, whatever it is, just dump it in here and go, it’s fine, I got you!” You see I have never sat down to ask if it’s a good or bad thing, for that is how it’s always been, Jesus…Others…and then Yourself…JOY!!! I haven’t known any other way; those are the shoes that were handed to me and all I did was walk in them. Focusing on others has always made my situations more bearable…I guess. I mean at least I no longer had to dwell on my happenings, I could look elsewhere and focus my energy on changing the lives of others. Most of the time this way of dealing eventually makes my situations seem minuscule, small, they make it seem as if I am making a mountain out of a molehill, I mean, “Did you just hear what KwAmE is going through! And this! Come on!!! This is nothing!!!”

I guess that is where the “STRONG” notion came from, “Nii is fine!” You see that statement is true on most days, but on days when “STRONG” has eluded me does it still apply? Who do I turn to? Who sponges up the sponge? I am looking at myself now, looking at how I am struggling and can’t help but ask myself “Who else is going through this?” Being the person always turned to, I didn’t know who to turn to, I didn’t even know how to turn, so I just sat there and brick by brick they buried me. At some point I had this foundation of problems just neatly arranged on top of me, unbearable weight that camouflaged what lay beneath, struggle, I was struggling to hold on, to keep up with everything that was going on around, I couldn't be strong anymore, and I wasn't strong enough to let anyone know.

So, you see that your friend, your apparent strong friends you have, I have a question for you, “ so how are they really doing?” Maybe it’s about time you asked them, who bags your baggage?

Until the cock crows again, keep enjoying your kelewele against your pure water. The sun, sunshine, and sunflowers.


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