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  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

My Coat of Many Colors

Chalé! My forevers are doing all they can to resuscitate me and they will not stop. They have refused to let me bleed out, and with their unique pieces of cloth peculiar to each of them, they keep applying pressure to the orifices the impact of the fall has caused. Applying pressure to the orifice of anger, of impatience, of sadness, of  hopelessness, of languishing, of failed, applying the most pressure to the colossal orifice of depression. With one focus in mind, they are determined to bring me back better; better than I was before my entire life was discombobulated.

With the constant application of the cloths of patience, of kindness, of a listening ear, of intercession, of giving, of shelter , of food, of a shoulder to cry on and the cloth of sitting with me and holding my hand as I grieve. In due course, these various pieces of cloths have been seamed together with a thread  woven with the fibres of love and sacrifice, fabricating a coat of many colors which  I adorn and tightly wrap around me. For its providing warmth; the warmth of safe, the warmth of I am loved, the warmth of we will get through this, the warmth of hope, the warmth of home. Negating the cold of I have failed, the cold of I told you so, and the cold of lonely that had seeped into my body.

They empty themselves into me, sending ripples through my entire body and I can feel it! I can actually hear it too! Can you? Can you hear it too?? A silent hummmmmm ….mingled with a lub-dub…lub dub… a sound so familiar I know it’s source. It comes from deep within , sending vibrations all over my insides. You can’t hear it, I can for it’s my drum, my life’s drum is being awakened, and this could only mean one thing.

They actually did it! They have succeeded! They realised the key of consistency was what was needed to break open the plates which firmly hold the cages that secure my drum that holds within itself my lifeline. They side stepped to the left past the walls I put up to guard my heart with all diligence and positioned themselves exactly where they needed to be. They know this place too well, for they have had to carry out this mission on more than one occasion and they will do it over and over again, so I have been told.

Harnessing all their will power they once again start beating my drum like crazy! Waking up the army in red and white, summoning them into formation, to once again begin their circular dance routine, through the chamber required to pick up oxygen each with a plate, let’s life back into my entire body.

And all of a sudden I am back in my body with this strong urge to open my eyes, but I wait and listen. There is a lot of scurrying around, but I know the distinct footsteps of each forever, I can place a face to each voice, every touch and every presence I absorb, and with all that has been deposited inside of me I count to seven will my eyes open and …there they are once again, my Forever And More I Love You!!!

Safely tucked in, and in mid motion of lifting my chin to touch the clouds, with the  aim of taking in a deep breath, to fill my inner chamber with the oxygen my army on the inside will need to continue their dance. I see at the bottom of that almighty cliff,  many who are considering embarking on that same journey…if only I could tell them.  There are many who are waiting for that lowering of shoulders so they could reach the edge of the cliff….if only I could tell them.

There are many hanging on to the edge of the cliff, waiting for that major sacrifice, the momentum needed to propel them to the top of the cliff…should I tell them. There are many at the top of the cliff fighting for their dear lives because that same whirlwind which blew my life to smithereens has also picked them up and is determined to throw them off just like it did me….should I tell them.

And then there are those  who have willingly walked to the edge of the cliff, leaning forward and with their arms lifted are ready to jump….should I tell them? That the feeling of; nobody would notice, and of nobody cares, and the feeling of nobody will miss them will pass!!! That the attention they are looking for, the closure their yearning for, the end they are looking for, this was not it! That I will sit with them until we!!! Figure it out.

I have been through it all!! I have been at the bottom of that cliff, I have hanged on to it, I have been propelled to the top of it, I have lived at the top of it. And guess what? I have descended it too, irrespective of the fact that the latter was forced I have still done it.

I know the impact each stage of the journey makes, to you and to the people around you. I l have first hand knowledge on  how it feels and what it does to you when things don’t work out and you have to descend the cliff empty handed. I mean I even know how it feels to be thrown off that cliff, I have seen what it does to you and to the people around you. I have seen how it forces you to learn how ask for help, and also forced you to learn how to accept that help.

So I can! And I must!!! All of this! These scars! Must mean something, should mean something. These scars can be turned into stories and experiences that can be used as safety nets to save many. And in that moment I have this sudden burst of energy, every thing that had been deposited inside of me culminates into one big fireball which begins to burn on my insides shooting me up like a rocket.

And in my coat of many colours I walk to the bottom of the cliff and introduce myself “ Hi! My name is Nii and I am a survivor!”

The Sun...Sunshine and Sunflowers

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