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  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

Two Beans In A Pot

Updated: Feb 1, 2021




Chalé! Famalam! We need to learn how to speak the truth, especially to our “Friends” otherwise you are just “Banza!”, which is a very Ghanaian way of saying you “You Suck!” So how can you allow me to walk around looking like that, crooked hairline! Like … Crooked oh! Crooked! Gosh! I cannot believe you people!

Anyways, Macroni is blowing up my phone, yes “Macroni”, not “Macaroni’ “Of all the nicknames in the whole wide world,” Sly, Sticky, Benzino, Scary, Black, Bread, Pure Water, Kelewele, Tea Bread, Body”, of all the names!!! Like joke, Macroni is where we ended up. So, what typically happens is that, the nickname is bestowed upon you, and it’s usually some whack name, like “BOFROT” (bow-frote); fried doughnut, but in this particular situation I said Choose oh! Choose! And “Macroni!” I mean, initially I was speechless. Really? I just lost vim and vigour, and immediately began to question this friendship— “Abort this mission! Abort this mission!!!’. Yet, against my better judgement, I begrudgingly coughed up a customized jersey with “MACRONI” written at the back, which he proudly wore with no shame. I mean what are friends for?!

As for the name he gave me, (Yes! He gave me one, he didn’t allow me to choose), basically we are still in therapy for it. Wicked guy! The moment a nickname is bestowed, real names “go into the bush”, a Ghanaian way of saying that they become non-existent, because what usually happens is, they introduce themselves by their nickname and that then becomes the means by which you address them—period. I mean, some names are obvious and require no explanation, but other names like … actually, let me just respect myself!

Mac (i.e. Macroni) is calling because he knows I am upset, and I am upset because, as usual I shared an idea with him, and he is already emailing me with to-do lists and timelines. I mean, it’s as if he has given birth to a child, me that I am a whole 1000 years older than him! I pick up, “So why you bore!” …he won’t even let me start with a “hello” but is that how we do things?! This is how he has been abusing me as if I am fatherless! This guy!



Bambara Beans and Baked Beans (Nii and Macroni)

Friends should push you to be the best version of yourself. They know when you are functioning below capacity and should be able to point it out and bring you to the place where you function at your full capacity, but this one has “overed” me. Macroni doesn’t push you, he D-R-A-G-S you! Friends keep you accountable and indeed, your response to their advice is your responsibility. However, your response is also reflective on them— “Show me your friend and I will show you your character”, “Birds of the same feathers flock together”, haven’t you heard of these idioms?

We live in a difficult world, and to have to go through it alone will be something you know. Some of us, we love deeply, and so when we get hurt, its deep. Hence, before we allow you into this circle, Ha! You must be worth it. You should have like … killed a lion or wrestled a crocodile on my behalf, otherwise, “No Thank You!”. I believe that, people throw the “friend” tag around so casually, and then they get burned. You bestow value on somebody who hasn’t earned it, doesn’t deserve it or hasn’t even asked for it, and then you get upset when they drop the ball? There is honestly nothing wrong with calling somebody an acquaintance—somebody you know of or have heard about. My guy, it is also ok not to know them at all! You are not Google—you cannot know everything, the truth Is the truth, “I DON’T KNOW THEM!”






If I cannot be my authentic self and need to walk on eggshells around you, or if I cannot speak the truth at all times concerning every matter, we are life mates— basically sitting in the same class, in a school called life, definitely not friends because refusing to speak the truth to others prevents them from growing. I mean who wants “Kwashiorkor” friends?



In this circle, we will voice our opinions and tell you what we think, but regardless of whatever decision you take, we got you! Even if you do hit a wall, we will work our way through it. No “I TOLD YOU SO’s”, and then we will laugh at you of course, so you will not slack like that again! Bet you! Because if you fail, I too have failed, and I am not a failure in life, God forbid!

Baked Beans and Bambara Beans

In the same light, if you do make it, let me actually correct myself, “WHEN WE MAKE IT!!!” and yes, I was shouting! Wow! They are not ready!!! Look! We will eat kelewele on the moon! They will hear of us, and they will definitely not be ready! At all! We will paint the town red—we will spoil there!

But wait! I cannot be sitting here judging people and not ask myself, “What kind of friend am I?” Actually, let me not ask because I know myself, if I was a friend to me, I will block me! I mean with certain friends, I can get away with it: All I have to do is buy Kit Kat, you know yourself. Basically, they know life has set in and we are on different tangents now, yet I would drop everything and not blink if they needed me. With just a phone call, we are up to speed—nothing has changed.

Honestly, it’s become so bad that I have had to categorize and departmentalize to the point where, I have spiritual friends—I think about them, pray for them and check up on them … in my mind. I promise I am praying about it, and I strongly believe that this year with the help of God, in addition to “Happy New Year!”, there will definitely be a “Happy Birthday too!”

Chalé until the cock crows again, keep eating your kelewele “against” your pure water.

The Sun, Sunshine

And sunflowers




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3 Comments


Chef Nii
Chef Nii
May 31, 2020

I totally agree!!! Keep it 100 always!!!

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kwameotiduah
May 31, 2020

If you can’t keep it 100 with your friends, who else can you keep it with?! I’ll call them out when they’re wrong (like being 2hrs late to a meet up🙄) and give them their flowers when they’re right. And I expect them to do same with me.

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kwameotiduah
May 31, 2020

If you can’t keep it 100 with your friends, who else can you keep it with?! I’ll call them out when they’re wrong (like being 2hrs late to a meet up🙄) and give them their flowers when they’re right. And I expect them to do same with me.

Like
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