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  • Writer's pictureChef Nii

Yonder The Ball of Kenkey

Chalè Leave! Where to? Where does he want me to go?

I remember then taking out my phone, and going through the rat a tat of skimming through my contacts wondering, who do I call? Who do I call...?

“Finding your purpose is a dream, and dreams are meant to come true right? Discovering what you were actually created to do, that will be it! You immediately have some clarity and can begin to make some sense of your journey so far. It is such a major stride, meant to get you to a place of fulfillment. It is at that point that your joy is made...complete. Things will begin to align, and finally!!! I can be...happy.

Ok! So, let’s dwell in this moment, in this very expanse for a while. At this particular point when the prerequisite that has been previously recounted, manifests exactly how we imagined it. Are you ready? Ok ... pop! Did you hear that? But most importantly did you feel that? Yes... I just burst your bubble. I need to you to wake up! Wake up to the realization that finding your purpose is not the end, but rather the beginning of a journey, a long tedious one I might add.

Then we have those atypical situations when your purpose is anomalous, peculiar, unique, outstanding...special. A path that you or anyone else could have never had imagined you would ever tread, a path that doesn’t necessarily align with or even cross at a point the path that your parents have purposed for you. This, for me, was the beginning of war.

Now I know I am not like everybody else, unfortunately it takes me a while to grasp things. I need to put in some extra effort you know, i need to keep my imagination in check so i can focus on what i have to do. But as soon as I get it it stays with me forever, kept under lock and key.

Verbally mention it and I most likely wouldn’t get it, I might not even remember, but if you take the time to show me, or if you are patient enough to walk me through the process you will be proud of me! I will master the process and even improve upon it, i will streamline the processes and come up with an even better way of achieving the same outcome to make life a bit easier for others with similar struggles.

So, finding my purpose was everything, finally I found something that came naturally to me, I didn’t have to struggle. For the first time I was not trying to fit into shoes that were way too big for me for I could barely walk in them. I was actually walking in my own shoes, and they fit perfectly. From what my eyes could perceive, the road looked...long and... rocky, but those shoes were.... mine, MINE! And that was still not enough?!?!

It hurts the most when this blindness affects those closest to you, your circle, your firm foundation, how can they not see this?... “I want to become a Chef” led to the arousing of a long arch enemy... fear. Suddenly all you get bombarded with is projections of .... fear. Words cutting deep like daggers, arrows being shot carelessly from all angles, words weighing so heavy, unbearable to the point where all you can fathom is the end, let me remove myself from the equation so everybody else can be happy.

Driving home after practice, my phone keeps ringing, i know who it is. I have got people in the car, I am dropping them off, so I don’t think it is a good time, actually I am not ready. Not today! My day has been great so far, Not today!

I am done with the drop offs and I am alone now, phone still ringing, I begin to ask myself, will I rather do this now? Or will I rather do this at home and wake everybody up. I pick up and it comes in like a flood, so much is being said and I scrambling to catch it with my clutched palms, yet they keep slipping through my fingers.

Today, these words seem to be cutting deeper than usual going beyond the surface, heading straight for the heart, and I am bleeding out. All he is saying just keeps cutting deeper and deeper until I am all bled out, and at this point I am just...numb. All I can think of is...If I run my car into the oncoming car and end it all it will be his fault...

So, I switch lanes, my eyes closed yet tunneled visioned, I accelerate, rushing my life towards it end. At the forefront of my mind’s eye, I see the flashing head lights and I have never been able to shake the honking of that car out of my head. But I do recollect that there was a moment, a split second in that moment when just like magic, I heard the slight whisper of those unforgettable words “What about the drivers family? “

Then it hits me, and immediately I realize what is happening and I... swerve, screeching my car to a halt at the side of the road, opposite the adiriganor park, right in-front of the trotro station. One hand firmly gripping the steering wheel of my car, twisting the leather from side to side, shaking, I put the car in park, turn off my ignition, and put myself through my breathing exercises, waiting for this panic attack to pass, I mean lately, considering the number of times it happens now, by this time I should be a pro.

It’s funny but, thinking about it now, I just realized that, in that moment what actually saved me were two things that he had instilled in me, two life lessons he gave me: accountability and the Holy Spirit. In that moment, the very person who almost took my life was the very same person who saved it.

Putting on this brave face and the “I don’t really care” persona I have been wearing for some time now, I head home. Everything else is a blur because in all honesty I had no fight left in me by the time I got home, but what I do know is I kept running the entire episode, over and over again in my mind, and all i kept asking myself was “What will mummy have done?” ... i still ask myself this question every time I think about it.

You would think that was it, but the prerequisite day was a life transforming one, one that led me unto one of the hardest journeys of my life. In trying to justify it, I kept saying I left, because I couldn’t fathom why? But with help I have come to admit and accept the true turn of events, my father actually kicked me out

Chalé until the cock crows again, keep enjoying your kelewele “against” your pure water.

The Sun, Shine

And Sunflowers.

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